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Finding Our Feet in Ever Changing Winds: Why Learning Secure Attachment is Necessary for Therapists, Helpers & Healers

Finding Our Feet in Ever Changing Winds: Why Learning Secure Attachment is Necessary for Therapists, Helpers & Healers

by | Mar 10, 2026 | Applied Principles, Basics of Natural Lifemanship, Equine Assisted Trainings, Personal Growth, Testimonials & Reflections

Within each day, sometimes moment to moment, the wind changes. Blowing first this way, then that. Rushing straight across our path, or swirling around us. Sometimes it is so quiet we don’t even notice the air around us, other days it threatens to topple us. Whenever I stand outside, I am flooded with the reality of our natural world – as well as the metaphors and symbols within it. (Yes, sometimes in NL we DO use metaphors!)

The wind is a very real aspect of nature – we feel it viscerally as it presses on our bodies and requires us to find our literal footing.  How do we stand in ever-changing winds? It’s practice, really. In our infancy it is tremendously difficult, but as we grow and develop, our core strengthens, our feet become more solid on the ground. We ground our feet, find our core, and hold our heads high. We are much more capable of withstanding the push, the pull, the swirling.  And as we gain wisdom in our minds and bodies, we know how to prepare when the winds will be too strong, and we know how to soften and receive when the winds are gentle and caressing.  It is an embodied experience; but the same is true on a symbolic level.

Within our lived days, particularly as helpers and healers, we find ourselves surrounded by ever changing winds. Ever changing pressures acting on us.  People, animals, and situations pull us and push us and swirl around us.  Asking, telling, demanding, pleading, negotiating…how do we find our footing in this complexity?

For me, secure footing comes from secure attachment.

A professional, and personal, challenge

When I first became a therapist, I said yes to everything. Every client, every time slot, every invitation, every conversation. I wanted all the experience and was terrified of failure, so I assumed doing everything would be the best way to succeed.

“Can I call you this evening, I really need to talk!?”

“Can’t you fit me in at the end of the day, I really need a session!”

“I know our time is up but just one more thing….”

“We just met but I really trust you and I want to tell you about my trauma from when I was 5 years old…”

I felt the pressure of being needed – the push, the pull, the swirling – and I gave in, over and over. I allowed myself to drift in the wind. And over time I started to resent my clients, resent the extra time and the extra conversations, I was tired and overwhelmed, and sometimes, dangerously, found myself way in over my head. It was a professional, ethical problem – but also a personal one. Of course what was showing up in my professional life was also showing up in my personal life.

The pressure of being a wife, of being a mother, a friend, a daughter…all that pushing and pulling. It is so easy to get swept up, swept away.

When we work in this field, we often encounter people at their most vulnerable, sometimes this means their behavior is not easy to engage with. I’ve had clients cry in my sessions, of course, but they’ve also yelled, and stormed out, demanded results, and pushed at my boundaries, pushed me away and then scrabbled to claw me back, questioned my competence, and insisted I had hurt them. Talk about changing winds!

My own secure attachment is a necessary ingredient for me to feel, and be, competent, capable, ethical, and honestly, sane, as I do this work of supporting others in their most vulnerable moments.

Why Secure Attachment?

We define secure attachment as essentially the same thing as brain integration. An integrated brain has developed optimally – with strong neural pathways within and between regions so everything works as it should and communication travels smoothly from one region to the next.

Secure attachment is an experience in which we were offered an optimal environment of protection, attunement, soothing, delight, and unconditional support. This optimal environment results in optimal brain development. They reflect (dare I say, mirror?!) each other.

When these two things are alive in us, we have the space for calm in relationships, for regulation.  We find flexibility and fluidity. We find rhythm. Not only do we feel protected, seen, soothed, delighted in and supported, we are able to offer these experiences to others as well.  This doesn’t mean we are perfect, it means we have the capacity.

This is how we find our footing in the stormy winds.

Secure attachment is about a stillness, deep within us, that exists no matter the chaos around us. No matter which way the wind blows, we can still hear ourselves. Secure attachment means we have a core self to come back to when we doubt, when we wonder, when we feel the pressure of outside influence.

Secure Attachment Requires Practice

Unfortunately, for many of us, this is a foreign concept. A fantasy perhaps. Or a goal that we feel we fall short of, routinely.  We did not get to choose to be securely or insecurely attached – it is a thing that happened to us, out of our control. I feel a grief in my throat when I say this. No one is more or less deserving, no one is securely or insecurely attached based on merit. We were babies once, and that is when we did what we had to to survive, and our attachment patterns are the result.

The silver lining here is that we all have brilliant, changeable brains. Our bodies and brains have information to give us, and are ready to evolve.  Secure attachment can be learned, and it must be practiced.

As I grow my secure attachment, my fluidity and flexibility in relationships grows, including the relationship I have with myself. I can hold boundaries with empathy, I can find creative solutions to dilemmas, I can sense when it is time to soften in and down, or when it is time to summon my strength and stand tall. I can bring my energy up and make a request, or exhale and drop into relaxation and rest, or hold myself in a balance of the two.

This isn’t just personal work, it is professional development as well.

Showing up for our clients in a body, mind, and soul that is regulated, connected, confident, flexible, authentic, and ready to give is no easy feat.  This work asks so much of us.

Practicing in Community

This community of people offers themselves in the aid of others – day in and day out. I am in awe of the work you all do.

My hope for you is that you find your footing, you find your calm in the ever changing winds, in order to prevent burnout, improve your boundaries, inform your choices, support your sense of connection, and leave enough for yourself when the work is done.

Secure attachment may not have been something all of us received, but it is something every one of us can build. And in work as demanding and sacred as this, it is essential. When we intentionally practice secure attachment, we strengthen our capacity to remain grounded in the winds of our clients’ pain, complexity, and growth.

If you are ready to deepen your footing, expand your resilience, and show up for your clients with greater clarity, regulation, and authenticity, we invite you to step into this work with us. Don’t practice alone, join a community committed to growing together in The Practice of Secure Attachment.

 

 

 

NL for Young Children & Parents: Growing Connection, Healing, and Hope

NL for Young Children & Parents: Growing Connection, Healing, and Hope

by | Sep 17, 2025 | Equine Assisted Trainings, Parenting and Counseling Children, Testimonials & Reflections

Every parent longs to see their child thrive. Yet often, the tools they are given either fall short or leave them feeling conflicted.

One message says, “Be firm.” Another says, “Be gentle.” Parents are left swinging between extremes, unsure of what will truly help their child feel safe, grow strong, and stay connected.

As professionals who walk alongside families, we know the weight parents carry. And we also know the difference it makes when they finally have a framework that honors both love and limits.

When information becomes transformation

The insights parents gain through NL are not abstract theories. They are truths that reshape daily life almost immediately.

In a recent training, a parent who is also a life coach shared that she had studied parenting models for years. Yet it was the NL framework that brought her to tears. For the first time, she could see her child’s behavior through the lens of healthy development of the brain and nervous system. “Now I get it,” she said.

This is the kind of shift we witness again and again. It is not about adding more skills to a parent’s toolbox. It is about giving them a lens that changes everything they see.

Meeting children where they are

One of the most important lessons NL offers is that every behavior carries meaning. A meltdown can signal a nervous system in distress. Withdrawal can reflect a child’s attempt to feel safe when the world feels overwhelming.

Take the young boy I worked with in therapeutic foster care who was being restrained sixteen times a day. Traditional approaches of consequences and punishments only deepened his distress. When caregivers began applying NL principles in regulating their own bodies, staying present through his storm, and offering rhythm instead of control, restraints slowly disappeared. Within a month, they were no longer needed.

Or consider the quiet little girl who seemed to be “losing” her ability to learn. In truth, she was dissociating as a way of surviving sexual trauma. Through NL-informed support, she regained presence, re-engaged in school, and watched her grades rise again.

These stories remind us that healing begins not with fixing behaviors, but with helping the brain and body return to safety and connection.

A way of being that changes everything

Parents often cry when they first learn this work. Not out of despair, but out of relief. For the first time, they see their children—and themselves—through a lens of compassion, possibility, and hope.

As professionals, guiding families into this way of being is some of the most meaningful work we can do. It does not mean handing parents a script to follow. It means helping them embody presence, attunement, and rhythm. It means walking with them as they learn to stay in the hard moments without punishing or rescuing, but instead holding steady and offering support.

This is the heart of Natural Lifemanship.

An invitation to deepen your impact

The NL for Young Children & Parents course was created for those who walk alongside families in their hardest and most tender seasons. It invites you to see parenting through a new lens, one that is grounded in science yet deeply human.

Why take this course? Because the way we understand children shapes the way we respond to them. And when that understanding shifts, everything else shifts with it.

When you step into this work, you begin to see how trauma and stress shape the developing brain, and how even the smallest interactions can either build or weaken connection. You learn how to guide parents toward presence and regulation so that they can meet their children with steadiness and compassion, even in the most challenging moments. Most of all, you witness hope returning to families who once felt stuck in cycles of frustration or despair.

This is not about adding one more tool or technique to your practice. It is about deepening your capacity to support parents in ways that truly transform family life.

When you shift from offering strategies to cultivating presence and connection, the families you serve begin to experience lasting change. This is the heart of what NL makes possible.

We invite you to join us!

Together, we can give parents more than advice. We can offer them a way of being that grows connection, healing, and hope.

NL for Young Children and Parents

Online, structured, self-paced course with optional group discussions

Applying NL principles to your work with young children and parents
can transform lives and enhance your practice.

Registration is now open.

Register

We hope you’ll join us on this next step in deepening our understanding of children and families.

 

 

 

What it Means to Truly Do the Work

What it Means to Truly Do the Work

by | Jan 31, 2025 | Equine Assisted Trainings, Personal Growth, Testimonials & Reflections

“100% the best training I have ever attended in over a decade of practicing equine assisted psychotherapy!” – Jacquelyn Kaschel, Eagala Adv. MH/ES

The Personal Immersion is my favorite training that we offer at Natural Lifemanship.  There, I said it.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE all our trainings…the Fundamentals with all those fresh hearts and minds! The Intensive with the deeply personal dive into building consensual relationships! The Relationship Logic with its quiet, nuanced fine tuning! The Rhythmic Riding with all that movement and rhythm!!  I could go on and on.  But still, the Personal Immersion is just so powerful, personal, and holistic….I really cannot get enough!

Which is why I was dreaming of our next PI coming up in March, and decided to peruse our evaluations from the past Personal Immersions we have offered.  We are always evolving our work here at NL, continued personal and professional growth is a deeply held value for us.  And so I wanted to look back over our evaluations and get a snap shot of where we need to keep growing.

Y’ALL. I was blown away by these testimonials!

Reading these words brought tears to my eyes and warmth to my core.  I just LOVE this training!  I wanted to share some of the testimonials with you in case you’ve been curious about the Personal Immersion. Here’s one from Emily…

The Personal Immersion is life-changing! I would recommend anyone who is in a helping role attend. Even years later, I am feeling the positive effects of having attended. It was a spark that set ablaze the growth in my healing journey in places where I was stuck. I am still thankful for how I’ve grown. -Emily

We call it a training, but it is more of a retreat, really.  Our time spent in the small group (8 people max!) is highly experiential – The PI is an incredibly safe (and brave!) immersion into curiosity about one’s own patterns, strengths, and tender places – as well as movement and connection to support healing and repair – body, mind, and soul.  Our goal is to support students in learning about attachment by accessing their own attachment wounds and strengths.

You cannot take someone where you have never been

We are called to develop ourselves if we are going to take someone else on a personal journey. I feel this so strongly, and believe our PI helps practitioners really embody necessary skills for their own healing, and for working with others.

Natural lifemanship is a space where you can explore, grow, and learn in a safe, supported environment. They care about you as a person first, and a professional second. If you are looking to journey deeper into yourself and experience what true relationship feels like, this is the place to do it! -Amy Fox

Ugh! How amazing are those words – it takes me back to all those moments at the PI when we are in some deep stuff, and the group just radiates support and love.  It’s like nothing else I have ever experienced.  The work that takes place in the 4 days we gather together for this training is so holistic and so intentional, I feel it every time I am there.

The Natural Lifemanship model is so deep, so moving, and so life changing for both people and the animals we are able to connect with. I wish everyone could be so gentle and loving in their approach to relationships of all kinds. – Wendi Morin

Guidance and support every step of the way

The Personal Immersion was painstakingly crafted over years – drawing from a variety of skill sets and experiences.  Each trainer brings a unique perspective, yet all are grounded in a desire to put connection first, in every moment.  Honestly, we get rave reviews about our wonderful facilitators…here are just a few…

The quality of instruction was inspiring. Both as a team and individually each practitioner shared their gifts and strengths. Everyone was so kind, supportive, insightful, and professional.

AMAZING!!!! All of the instructors, each and every one, was valuable, authentic, supportive, and loving.

All the facilitators were super attuned, compassionate, and highly skilled. I can not stress this enough. It was life changing!

I would describe the quality of instruction as excellent, intentional, and effective. Every minute, every activity was so thoughtfully planned. I am grateful beyond measure.

With the caring guidance of 6 (yes, SIX!) trainers, our participants (only 8) are supported in digging deeply into their own experience.  Through a connected and supportive group, time in nature, somatic and equine assisted activities, and a lot of rhythm, participants are invited to explore what it really means to be securely attached.  To tend to all parts of themselves. To support others from a confident and calm inner strength. To access their own wisdom and bring it forth for healing.

Anxious about doing this work on yourself? You are not alone!

I was anxious about exploring this core issue of attachment but I also knew it was what I needed for myself and to better support clients on their journey. The setting and the wonderful staff provided safe, heartfelt and playful opportunities to explore the deep well of attachment. I’m so glad I took the risk – this experience continues to have a positive ripple effect in my personal and work life. -Janice Stump, MSW Peace Ranch

The Personal Immersion is the most holistic offering of Natural Lifemanship principles we have on our calendar.  This is a 4 day immersion into the feel of NL – from the environment, to the pacing, to the activities, the conversations, the meals, and the rituals and connections – the Personal Immersion walks the walk of NL.

Will you walk with us?

I’ll leave you with one more testimonial.  This one brings tears to my eyes and reminds me of why Natural Lifemanship exists.  Thank you, Shayla, for this beautiful statement.

The NL Personal Immersion training is an experience that will be ingrained in my heart forever.  The way the trainers and attendees showed up in physical presence as we learned about and leaned into being fully embodied was unexpectedly powerful, and the levels in which I was met and awakened mentally, emotionally, and spiritually are matchless.  I was drawn to this training for personal reasons and have no doubt that my awareness and growth in that area will overflow into my professional realm as well.  I’m so thrilled to not only have opened my heart and mind to this training, but to have experienced it, because what filled my space was (and still is) soul stirring.  It felt like coming home… to an internal place of residence I always knew dwelled deep inside, but didn’t know how to access it.  If you’re looking for a special place to feel seen, heard, and valued in ways that will uplift and validate you, look no further. – Shayla Anderson

This training sells out every time we offer it, and for good reason! As helping professionals, we join clients through some of their most challenging moments. Yet as humans, we experience plenty of our own challenging moments as well. Intimately knowing these aspects of the human experience makes us better clinicians! Join us for the Personal Immersion at NL Headquarters from March 13 – 16, 2025. Register now.

 

 

These Boots are Made for Workin’

These Boots are Made for Workin’

by | Jan 8, 2024 | Basics of Natural Lifemanship, Equine Assisted Trainings, Testimonials & Reflections

These boots are made for workin’ and that’s just what they’ll do. . . 🎶

You can learn so much about a person by the shoes they wear.  Really. . . think about it.

I, for example, spend a lot of my time in crocs, Haflinger clogs. . . and round toed, rubber soled, Ariat or Justin cowboy boots (Fat babies or Gypsies to be exact).  Each of these need to be replaced about once a year because I wear holes into the soles.  My shoes tell you a bit about my willingness to greatly sacrifice style for comfort, my heritage, and my trade, among other things, I’m sure.  They tell you about the lifestyle choices I’ve made.

I have a pair of running shoes that I bought almost 20 years ago.  I wear them occasionally.  There was a time in life I had every kind of flip flop imaginable.  I remember wearing a very professional skirt and suit jacket with flip flops. . . and it was appropriate in that situation during that season.  I have some heels that I literally have to dust off each time I wear them.  I bought a pair of red boots with turquoise tops 20 years ago that are still one of my most prized possessions.

Wouldn’t it be fun to tell our life story through our shoes – just pictures of our shoes on a timeline?  I think I’d love that.

People.  Horses.  And Healing.

I remember the day I realized that I had found what I was going to dedicate my life to.

People.  Horses.  And Healing.

The light was shining through the sliding glass doors that created one wall of our ground floor living room apartment.  There was this little wicker couch with heavy boucle cream colored upholstery from the 80’s and a sage colored papasan chair I’d bought at Pier 1.  We had gotten most of our furniture from Thrift stores and my roommate’s artwork was hung on the walls.  Even today, the print of Beth’s clay pots hangs in my office.

I had just gotten back from a 6 month break from Denver Seminary.  Due to a complete faith crisis coupled with a nasty break-up, I had decided to move to Massachusetts with my sister to live in a primarily Buddhist community and learn about a cancer diet my mother had dedicated herself to after a bout with ovarian cancer. (But this is a story for another time). I had just returned to Denver Seminary to finish my Masters in Counseling when I stumbled upon this career that has become my life’s work.

Image2

10-year-old Bettina with Mr. Ed

Coming Back to Horses

I am one of the lucky girls whose first love was my Dad.  He loved horses, so I am also one of the lucky girls whose second love was my horse, Mr. Ed.  I loved that horse and I have always believed that he loved me – he at least went to great lengths to keep me safe.

When I was 15 years old he and his pasture mate, Babydoll, were both hit by cars on a foggy Florida morning. (This too is a story for another day)  For me, this was the beginning of a long hiatus from horses.  My father tried to get me the palomino I had always wanted but we couldn’t really afford it, and I was far too heartbroken to build a relationship with another horse.

Anyway, as the sun came through those glass doors in that little apartment, on the heels of a renewed commitment to finish the path I had begun at Seminary, I felt myself drawn back into relationship with my second love.  I have heard many stories about the thin moments people in this field experience when they realize they can help people with the help of horses.

They can get a new office among the animals and nature they love.

They can wear their boots to work!

I’ve also heard many stories about people who “came back to horses” through this field.  I often hear bits of my story in the stories of others.  For many of us, this is a dream and a coming home.

Buy the Boots

The first person I called when I’d found my calling was my Dad.  He was so excited for me and with me.  One of the first things he said was, “We have to get you some new boots!”  There is certainly more to the story, but the brown boots with the yellow tulips you see at the top of this blog are the boots he got me at the very beginning of this transformative journey I have been so blessed to have found.  I have been honored to watch many, many new practitioners come into this field to find their calling and their passion.  Almost always, one of the first things they do is buy the boots.  Seriously, I’ve seen it over and over again.  We all wear different boots for very specific reasons.

Y’all this field is much harder to get started in than more typical office therapy, coaching, etc.  We have to do quite a bit more than hang out a shingle, but it’s simpler to get started than most people think. Yeah, you need a horse.  Yeah, you need some sort of space to be in with a horse and person.  Yeah, you need some education, but I am here to tell you that none of these things need to be perfect for you to start.  Lots has happened over the last 20 years, but first I bought the boots, and I’m so glad I did.  Wearing my boots to work most days is a lifestyle choice I will never be sorry I made.

Walk with us

If it is your desire to come to horses or to come back to horses and help people heal and grow through the powerful connection that can be formed between horse and person, I say buy the boots! That’s the first step to getting started. If you want to know the next steps, we’re going to be diving into exactly what you need to do to get started in this business in our upcoming webinar on January 18th at 5:00 pm Central. Register here!

Building a strong foundation, from the boots up, is the best place to begin. If you’re eager to make 2024 the year you really dig deep into this work, I want to personally invite you to join us for our upcoming Fundamentals of NL. Registration happens to be open right now and there is no better time to begin than right now. Learn more about Fundamentals and join us.

Maybe one day you can tell the story about how you found your way into the coolest niche field ever simply by showing us the shoes you wore to work in 2023 and shoes you wore to work in 2024.  Wouldn’t that be amazing?!

P.S. These boots are made for workin’ and that’s just what they’ll do . . . 🎶

I hope this song is now stuck in your head because, 1. It’s been stuck in mine for weeks and I need some company, and 2.  It’s a great beatem’ up song to sing on the days you need some serious power to get through, because even dreams and miracles require a lot of work, and some days will be hard.  Sometimes you have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, so the boots you wear are super important!  Buy the Boots!

 

 

 

What Really Matters for Good Therapy?

What Really Matters for Good Therapy?

by | May 26, 2023 | Testimonials & Reflections, The Latest in Equine Assisted Therapy and Learning

While it can cause plenty of frustration (for both professionals, researchers, and clients alike), we find time and again that the benefits of therapy are not due to specific techniques learned or specific modalities used – they are due, in fact, to the quality of the person who is the therapist (or coach, or other practitioner).

Reactions to the NYT Magazine’s Take on Therapy

Just a couple of days ago, the New York Times Magazine released an article on the state of therapy in our country today. The journalist overtly shares her frustration with the simple fact that therapy and its outcomes are difficult to research quantitatively. 

In fact, in multiple meta-analyses of research done over the years it has been repeatedly found that therapy helps many, and most therapeutic approaches help equally well. There aren’t really any “perfect” interventions or models. Nothing stands out in terms of what, clinically, we do.

So what DOES matter in good healing work?

Ultimately, it is the skills of the practitioner that make all the difference. 

Not the skills needed to implement a protocol, but to foster healing connection. 

The ability to connect, to empathize, to respond well to conflict, to remind the client (both in thinking and feeling) that they are not alone in their challenges. 

This is what it means when we say the relationship is the vehicle for change. (You can also find a webinar on this subject here.) 

This is why ALL of our trainings are (sometimes annoyingly) low on technique and formula, and high on personal development, self awareness, and the practice of the ART of connection. 

We, as therapists, coaches, and healers of all kinds, are not trying to fix a problem (task), we are attempting, moment to moment, to see our clients, to hear our clients, to feel our clients – so that they have an experience of not being alone (connection). 

To be with, not to fix

Life can be challenging, for everyone. It is not our job to fix that, it IS our job to BE WITH our clients in a way that eases the burden. 

This is what The Natural Lifemanship Institute attempts to foster in each and every one of our students. 

We work to cultivate the skillset to be a positive and therapeutic relationship for change. 

Because as it turns out, this is what really matters. 

Join us

Something we believe deeply at Natural Lifemanship is that this journey requires community. If you are a therapist looking for a supportive community of colleagues who are learning from each other and evolving every day, we invite you to join us. Learn more about NL Membership. 

The life-changing impact of Natural Lifemanship for Sarah Willeman Doran

The life-changing impact of Natural Lifemanship for Sarah Willeman Doran

by | Apr 20, 2023 | Case Studies, Personal Growth, Testimonials & Reflections

One of our dedicated Natural Lifemanship practitioners, Sarah Willeman Doran, recently authored a chapter in the new book, Integrating Horses into Healing that details her transformational healing journey with horses and specifically, her transformational experience with Natural Lifemanship. 

As a Dually Advanced Certified NL Practitioner and Equine Professional (Advanced NLC-P,EP), Sarah embodies our mission at Natural Lifemanship and we’re excited to share a brief recap of what she shared about NL. To read the full chapter and other life changing stories of healing and transformation, get the book here: Integrating Horses into Healing.

 

A Fallen Star

Sarah’s relationship with horses begins in the competitive world of showjumping. At a young age, she was competing at the Grand Prix level and was seen as a rising star in the sport. She knew how to get the most out of her horses and saw great success early on. There was no telling how far she could go. 

But behind the scenes, Sarah had faced abuse from one of her coaches. She’d suppressed her trauma to continue to perform in the sport she loved, and didn’t  realize until far later how damaging this was. 

Sarah’s meteoric rise in Grand Prix jumping would come to an abrupt end following traumatic riding injuries. She would eventually recover to win an intercollegiate individual national championship riding for Stanford University, but would never be able to return to a Grand Prix jumping level, and stepped out of competitive horse jumping.

But her journey with horses would eventually take a new path. . 

 

A New Beginning 

Following early retirement from competitive riding, Sarah shifted her  focus to  developing young horses. At the same time, she was also walking the path of personal growth and deep healing.

When Sarah came across the Fundamentals of NL and the Fundamentals Practicum, her relationship with trauma was changed forever. She found a new understanding of how trauma affects the nervous system, opening the way to greater self-compassion and healing.

“The NL model gave me a chance to work through nervous-system activation ‘in the field,’ which can create a more embodied and deeper experience than an office setting provides,” Sarah writes. 

Finding early success with the Fundamentals of NL, Sarah went on to do a series of therapy intensives with her Natural Lifemanship therapist, each lasting three to four days.

“We processed a series of traumatic memories, and I truly felt my sense of them shift. It’s not that I’ve forgotten any of what happened, but now I can think of those things without feeling a jolt through my body,” Sarah explains. 

Sarah’s third intensive session was her breakthrough moment, which she described as “coming out of a fog.” Finally able to process her trauma and have a deeper connection with her inner being, she gained  the strength and wisdom to make positive changes in her life. 

 

The Natural Lifemanship Institute offers Transformative Training

As Sarah continued to take NL courses for her own growth and her work with clients, she explained, “For me, at the trainings, some of my most powerful growth experiences were not even about the work with the horses. Rather, certain interpersonal moments were what the field of psychology calls ‘corrective emotional experiences.’ These were moments when I felt truly seen and cared for, when trainers recognized my needs and practiced one of the core NL principles: making sure not to take away the other’s sense of choice.”  The following story is about one of these moments at an Intensive Practicum.

Sarah describes working with the paint horse she’d been partnered with:  “It felt satisfying, as we practiced various ways of moving together in the pen and went on to haltering with connection. I later learned the owner said he was head shy, but at the time, our connection had evolved enough that he would move his nose toward the halter and stay relaxed as I brought it over his ears.” It was in one of these moments of quiet connection that a sudden burst of wind and rain swept through the arena. In a split second the horse lost awareness of Sarah, and she narrowly dodged him as he swung his head and took off. 

When Sarah returned to the horse, he was agitated, running from one side of the pen  to the other, unable to calm down. When she asked for his attention, he would buck and kick at her, at close range.

“I was still focused enough on performing well and pleasing others that I persisted in the pen to a point of complete exhaustion, trying in vain to raise my energy and bring the horse’s attention back to me, to help him connect and calm down,” Sarah said.  “By the time I told one of the trainers that I was too exhausted to make any progress, I was in a state of nervous-system freeze that I hadn’t experienced in a long time. It felt familiar. . . I was afraid to tell anyone the extent of what I was feeling, and as usual, I looked basically fine from the outside. I had learned, through many years, how to keep going through these things and not reveal what was happening inside.”

Sarah was worried  about going back to training the next day. With her nervous system in overwhelm, she didn’t feel she’d be able to  work with the horse safely if he was still dysregulated and aggressive.

“When I arrived, I asked one of the trainers if we could speak privately. When westepped aside from the group, I couldn’t stop the tears, and I felt ashamed. I told her what I was going through, and also that I was worried about letting the trainers down. What happened next felt like a miracle to me: she listened with total kindness and without judgment; she expressed the trainers’ full confidence in my abilities with the horses; and she said I did not have to work with the horse if it didn’t feel safe.”

Sarah tried to work with the horse again, but he was still in an agitated state, and Sarah was still triggered. She was used to being the tough horsewoman from her competitive days and tried to persist at first, but was quickly faced with a fork in the road. Should she continue to hang on to this persistence that made her successful in the competitive world, or was it time to let go and do what was best for her well-being?

Sarah, with the help of her NL trainer, decided to let go. 

“This was an empowering turning point. At the time, in my evolution as a person, what I needed most was to choose to put my well-being first. Not only to choose that but to be supported in that choice. To see and feel that my safety mattered, that taking care of myself was not a cause for rejection or abuse of any kind, but rather led to an experience of safety,” Sarah said.  “This is what the NL trainer provided that day. She sat with me beside the pen, supporting me in my decision. . . this was a transformative experience of expressing a boundary around my safety and well-being and having it honored.”

Sarah learned more than just how to let go that day. As someone who’d experienced multiple forms of trauma in her youth, it had been difficult for her to express and uphold boundaries. She had been in relationships where boundaries were  violated, and hadn’t known how to break the cycle.

At that moment, she was able to make a new choice.

“As we heal, the choices in relationships become much clearer. If we express our boundaries clearly and repeatedly and someone still can’t honor them, the relationship isn’t healthy,” Sarah explains. “At that point, we can either attempt stronger ways to make our request, or we can choose to end the relationship.”  That day, Sarah chose to end the relationship knowing that it wasn’t healthy to push herself to work with this horse.

She called this moment a fundamental shift and a vital one for her own healing journey.

 

The ripple effect of healing

“Learning and practicing Natural Lifemanship changes the way we live. When we improve our relationships, the healing effect ripples outward through those around us. The more we heal ourselves, the more powerfully we can help clients,” she said. 

Like many healing journeys, Sarah’s has been long and painful. However, it has also been deeply rewarding. With the transformation she experienced through her Natural Lifemanship training and therapy, Sarah has seen long-term tangible benefits in her life. 

With a healthier and renewed nervous system, her baseline state has transformed from stress into wellness. She no longer lives with chronic pain, she feels at home in her own body, and she’s able to build the kind of healthy, connected relationships that bring the greatest sense of meaning in her life.  

Sarah is now a certified life coach and a mindfulness meditation teacher.  She is  building her own Natural Lifemanship practice in Colorado, with plans to open a retreat center in the mountains. 

Sarah is also an author, and you are sure to enjoy her writing. Here are some articles that focus on NL specifically:

Natural Lifemanship at the Wild Horse Sanctuary, Part 1

Natural Lifemanship at the Wild Horse Sanctuary, Part 2

The Healing Power of Connection

Building Connected Relationships

 

Begin Your Own Healing Journey Today

We couldn’t be more grateful to Sarah for sharing her journey of transformation with Natural Lifemanship. The beginning of Sarah’s journey is like so many for our NL community – it all begins with the Fundamentals of Natural Lifemanship. 

If you’re ready to learn the principles of Natural Lifemanship, join us for this life-changing training.

 

 

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