Rhonda Smith is the CEO and founder of Spirit Reins, a non-profit that provides treatment to children and families who have experienced traumatic events. She interviewed Buck, the main character in the book, The Gift, at his home pasture for Spirit Reins’ Amplify Spirit Reins campaign for Amplify Austin. Alicia Nance is Buck’s friend and lends a hand as a translator.
Rhonda: Buck, thank you for joining us via satellite for Amplify Spirit Reins. The weather looks gorgeous up there in North Carolina.
Buck: You are welcome Rhonda. I’m happy to do it and glad to help out a friend of Pip’s. The sun is shining today. It is very, very warm here. I like to stand down by the lake where the wind is a little cooler.
Rhonda: It is warm here as well. What do you think of the story that The Gift tells?
Buck: I think it is an important story that helps folks understand that just because they think something is one way doesn’t mean it is. All that time Pip thought I was a mean ol’ guy, and I’m not. I think that having friends and knowing how to make them is important. The part that I think is the most important for horses is we don’t like to be alone. We want to be with our herd—that’s where we feel the safest.
Building new pathways in the brain by intentionally practicing something different
What is a do-over? A do-over is a chance to correct a behavior, thought, or belief that interferes with the types of relationships we want to have. They are chances to practice something different. They are a method to build new pathways in the brain or strengthen pathways that are already there, but not used very often. I like to think of do-overs as physical therapy for the brain.
A few years ago in New Mexico, I decided to break out the snowboard I had tried to learn to ride in my 20’s. I had somewhat mastered skiing and wanted a new challenge on the slopes. On this trip, I was now in my 30’s and hadn’t tried the snowboard in several years.
I think quite a few of life’s problems are the result of one sided relationships. As we travel the country working with people and horses, the one sided relationship seems all too prevalent. We see people who do everything they can to meet the needs of their horse but never ask the horse to meet any of their needs. I guess the people are getting some need met at some level but the horse is not having to do anything except be present. They feed it, they groom it, and they worm it, provide it with fresh water, and trim its feet all the while asking it to contribute very little to the relationship. When they do actually ask the horse to do something they are met with resistance or the request is ignored. They then seem disappointed that their loving horse is treating them so rudely. They shouldn’t be surprised because that is the way they set up the relationship to begin with. They are often afraid to ask anything of the horse because they are afraid the horse might blow up. So they go about their relationship not asking for anything that might cause a blow up. They somehow justify it by saying things like “It is my responsibility to provide for this horse’s needs because it can’t do these things for itself.” That may be true but it is capable of meeting some of the humans needs also. We believe that a relationship that is not good for one is eventually not good for either. Any time a relationship is one sided it is eventually going to cause some problems.
This past weekend I participated in a horse training clinic with two other horse trainers. Both the other trainers are well known in this area and both are very competent at training an unbroken horse. However, both preached long and loud about the importance of being your horse’s leader. When it came my turn to work with a horse, I caused quite the controversy by stating that it is not about leadership, it’s about relationship. One of the other trainers took great offense to that statement and tried to convince me that leadership is a very crucial part of training a horse. I agreed that leadership is extremely important. The horse has to learn how to appropriately lead himself and I have to appropriately lead myself. I appropriately control myself so that the horse can appropriately control himself. That is what relationship is all about. This is a very hard concept for a lot of horse trainers to grasp.
Recent Comments