Rebecca Hubbard, Author at Natural Lifemanship

Brave Spaces

by Rebecca Hubbard | Aug 20, 2024 | Applied Principles, Basics of Natural Lifemanship

Co-authored by Rebecca J. Hubbard & Reccia Jobe with Pecan Creek Ranch

Creating a safe place for clients to feel comfortable being themselves, free from judgment and harm, while discussing and exploring their life experiences is vital to providing effective therapy and an imperative part of the therapeutic process. However, for many clinicians and therapy teams, creating safety often stops there. Clinicians and therapy teams spend a tremendous amount of time creating an inviting and safe place for clients but put little thought into how to assist clients in developing and internalizing their own safety. If clinicians and therapy teams only focus on creating safety within their environment, and do not help clients develop their own internal safety, clients do not learn how to establish it in their own lives.

As we learn more about trauma and become trauma-informed, we must consider the impact of clinicians/therapy teams being the only generator of safety and how this can potentially recreate feelings of powerlessness and reinforce the power differential between clinicians and clients that is reminiscent of the abuser victim dynamic where one person maintains all the power.

We need to teach clinicians/therapy teams how to create a safe place and then shift the power of creating safety from the clinician to the client, making it a shared endeavor. But how do we shift the power of creating safety for the client? We begin by creating safe and brave spaces.

What is a Brave Space?

Merriam-Webster dictionary defines brave as “having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear or difficulty.” To be brave, a person or being must take action to face the challenge or struggle. One cannot be brave by just thinking about doing it; being brave is the action of engaging in the struggle.

To create safety for oneself, a person has to take action. But taking action is scary, difficult, and sometimes overwhelming, so people avoid it. What if I fail? What if I make a mistake? What if someone sees me and laughs at me or takes advantage of me? However, meaningful change, the kind that changes core beliefs, long-held patterns, and attachment styles, requires action.

Clinicians/therapy teams must create spaces where clients can safely take action. We call these spaces brave spaces. In a brave space, clients are engaged in doing, making decisions, trying new ways of being, getting outside their comfort zone, and taking appropriate risks. Clients can make mistakes without fear of being shamed, humiliated, teased, or punished. They learn that mistakes are information to help them know what to keep and change. They challenge their beliefs that there is only one way to do something and learn that there are many ways to accomplish their goals. Creating this type of environment assists clients in developing within themselves their own safe place from which to grow.

Brave spaces and safe places have many components in common. They are both spaces free from judgment, shame, punishment, and humiliation. Both spaces are supportive and encouraging. Both provide the client a space to explore difficult topics with the help of a caring other. The components of a brave space are not all that different from those of a safe place. The difference is in helping the client to take action and engage in the struggle, thus building the muscles needed to be brave and create safety.

But how do you encourage clients to take action since taking action is an extremely vulnerable process? Below, we outline the components of a brave space that assists people in taking action. These components are each part of a recursive feedback loop that generates more opportunities for being brave and creating safety.

Components of a Brave Space: How to Assist Clients in Taking Action

You Are Welcome Here

It is common for clinicians//therapy teams to create a welcoming physical space or atmosphere. Still, they often forget about the role of their spirit, body, and mind in creating this atmosphere. A friend and colleague, Patricia Van Horn, Ph.D., said, “Who you are is just as important as what you do.” To create the essence of all of you is welcome here, clinicians/therapy teams must mindfully create a deep sense of welcome within their body, spirit, and mind. To do this, clinicians/therapy teams must have a genuine interest in and care for their clients. It is difficult to achieve a welcoming spirit when you dislike or are uncomfortable with someone.

Clinicians/therapy teams must find within themselves something they like or admire about a challenging client. Doing this takes work. It requires clinicians/therapy teams to identify what impedes them from finding positive regard for that client.

Clinicians/therapy teams must also be fully present in their bodies. They cannot be partially present or dissociated, even minimally. So, clinicians/therapy teams must find what they need to be fully present. Do they need to see fewer clients back-to-back without breaks? Do they need to see fewer clients per day? Do they need to alter their schedule so they work mornings or evenings? Do they need to narrow the scope of their practice? Do they need to address an issue in their own therapy? This, too, takes work. Clinicians/therapy teams must be able to take a self-assessment and be self-aware to know what they need to be fully present for their clients.

Lastly, clinicians/therapy teams must believe that their clients are capable and able to achieve health and well-being. If clinicians/therapy teams have a doubt, that doubt will show up in their bodies, spirits, and minds, and the client will feel it. The client may not be able to identify it, but they will notice it, which impedes their ability to do the work. So, if clinicians/therapy teams do not believe in a client or their ability to accomplish their goals, the clinicians/therapy teams need to determine why that is and address it themselves or refer the client. Clinicians/therapy teams need to have deep faith in their client’s abilities because clients need that level of support to take the risks they need to take to achieve their goals.

Be Authentic/Genuine and Encourage Authenticity/Genuineness

Many years ago, training programs taught clinicians to offer their clients a “tabula rasa,” a blank slate, for clients to paint onto clinicians whatever they wished. Some schools of thought still prescribe this way of being in the therapeutic relationship. However, we find that being a blank slate impedes the client’s ability to engage in the risk-taking that is necessary to change their lives.

In our work, we have discovered that it is essential for clinicians/therapy teams to be authentic and present in the therapeutic relationship to create the kind of environment needed for growth and change. Being authentic means, clinicians/therapy teams experience emotions, own their emotions, apologize when they are wrong or when they have been hurtful, ask for and engage in “do-overs,” and show genuine feelings for clients. To do this well and maintain appropriate boundaries, clinicians/therapy teams must do their own work. We feel it is not fair or appropriate to ask clients to do something their clinician/therapy team has not done or is unwilling to do.

Encouraging clients to be authentic and genuine is a moment-by-moment endeavor that clinicians/therapy teams must approach with compassion and welcome. Allowing the client to express genuine thoughts and emotions is essential and sometimes difficult. Since most clients are just starting this process, they can be harsh when sharing their thoughts and feelings. It is important for clinicians/therapy teams to refrain from taking this personally and remember that the client is learning how to communicate effectively and needs the space to do it imperfectly so they can learn.

Also, clinicians/therapy teams need to remember to see this as a process and see the client’s behavior through the lens of positive intent. Doing so will help clinicians/therapy teams respond in ways that are helpful to the client on their journey of being authentic and genuine and not shut down their clients. That does not mean clinicians/therapy teams cannot discuss how the client’s words or actions impacted them as the relationship grows. Clients often are unaware of how their words or behavior impact others. By understanding how they impacted the clinician/therapy team, clients can experience a deeper relationship rooted in genuine care and growth that nurtures the client and their ability to foster meaningful relationships in their lives. When clients and clinicians/therapy teams can be authentic, further integration and healing occur.

Be Vulnerable and Encourage Vulnerability

No one likes being vulnerable. This openness with another can create fear of rejection and harm. To work in a brave space, clients and clinicians/therapy teams must be vulnerable. We can create an environment where clients feel more at ease being vulnerable when clinicians/therapy teams appropriately show vulnerability. Clinicians/therapy teams should not ask clients to be vulnerable when they are unwilling to do so themselves. Vulnerability fosters connection and compassion. An excellent way for clinicians/therapy teams to be vulnerable is to show their humanity by admitting to their mistakes and making meaningful repairs. When clinicians/therapy teams do this, they are showing the client the power of vulnerability and how it strengthens the relationship.

Another way clinicians/therapy teams can be vulnerable is by sharing a brief experience of when they similarly struggled. Sharing this experience can have the power to humanize the clinician/therapy team and the client’s experiences. However, these disclosures must be brief, accessible, and meaningful to clients. They must contribute to the work and not detract from it. If self-disclosure is about the clinician/therapy team and not the client, then disclosing is inappropriate.

When done wrong, self-disclosure can derail the therapy and negatively impact the therapeutic relationship. When done well, self-disclosure reveals the client’s struggle to be a human struggle and produces the feeling that we are in this together.

Another way of creating an environment in which it is safe to be vulnerable is to honor any attempts at vulnerability by demonstrating to the client that the clinician/therapy team will not reject or harm them. How a clinician/therapy team responds with their actions, words, and energy will either show the client it is safe to be vulnerable or shut down further attempts at vulnerability.

Hold with Compassion

Of course, none of these components would be helpful if clinicians/therapy teams shamed or punished themselves or their clients for actions, behaviors, or beliefs. Clinicians/therapy teams must create an environment of compassion and curiosity so that clinicians/therapy teams and clients are free to try new things. Having a compassionate-curious stance provides the opportunity to carefully examine actions, behaviors, and beliefs in a non-threatening manner. It also allows for the possibility of new understanding, a different perspective, and alternative actions that improve relationships with self and others and shed the cloak of toxic shame that suffocates so many.

How do clinicians/therapy teams hold with compassion and become curious about themselves, their clients, and their experiences? First, they must examine their reactions and learn their impact on themselves and others. They must identify the harmful ways they engage with themselves and give themselves kindness and compassion for their experiences before they can help clients see their patterns and provide clients with compassion. They must understand that their experiences of suffering, failing, and feeling inadequate are part of the human experience. They must hold these feelings gently and give themselves understanding and kindness while addressing the changes that need to occur.

If clinicians/therapy teams do not practice self-compassion, the experience they provide clients is incomplete. When compassion is only from the neocortex, it inadvertently teaches clients the “words” of compassion but not the whole meaning and experience of compassion.

Create Meaningful Connection

In a nutshell, therapy is about creating meaningful connections with self and others. Clinicians/therapy teams can facilitate meaningful connections by meeting clients where they are and understanding their unique experiences and perspectives. They can assume positive intent of clients’ actions and behaviors, be in the struggle with clients, and hold contradictory ideas with compassion, showing clients that they truly understand, care, and have compassion for them.

When clinicians/therapy teams do this, they teach clients how to do the same for themselves. They can explore and hold dear clients’ spiritual practices and actively bring their spirituality into sessions, conveying to clients the importance of their whole selves.

Clinicians/therapy teams can listen to clients with their whole selves (bodies and neo-cortexes) instead of just their thinking brains and hear more than the words that clients convey, which leads to a deeper understanding of clients and their experiences. When clinicians/therapy teams use this ability to listen to clients’ whole selves (bodies and words), clients feel deeply seen and can begin to hear all of themselves.

When clinicians/therapy teams notice, for instance, that a client’s body is saying no but their words are saying yes, and they pause to listen to the client’s body instead of ignoring it, they are teaching the client to listen too. Their actions convey that the client’s body signals are important information that should not be ignored or minimized. When clinicians/therapy teams help clients connect with themselves in these ways, clients discover things about themselves and their experiences that they were unaware of before. They may find new strengths, beliefs, and values or discover new fears, concerns, or worries. As clients learn how to honor and listen to what their bodies are telling them, they become more compassionate and understanding of themselves, and they become safer.

All of these practices help clients feel profoundly understood and build trust with the clinician/therapy team, laying the groundwork for clients to connect with themselves and treat themselves with compassion. Having compassion for oneself allows for deeper connection and compassion for others.

A Million Other Ways

Many people believe there are only a few “right” ways to do something. This belief contributes to self-judgment and shame. It stifles creativity and problem-solving ability, leading to powerlessness and an external locus of control. It removes the ability to learn how to take appropriate risks. At its most dangerous, this belief causes us to become immobilized with fear and overcome with depression. It ceases our growth.

Helping people understand that there are unlimited ways to do something frees them up to be themselves, think outside the box, and take risks that can help them grow. People often have difficulty changing their mindset that there are unlimited ways to achieve something because they were taught as children that there are right and wrong ways to do something. This is a difficult notion to let go of, so it is easier to focus on whether something is working for clients and whether it is good for their relationships with themselves and others. Rather than determining whether or not what they did was “right.” Natural Lifemanship teaches that if it is not good for one person in the relationship, it is eventually not good for either person.

We often run into the mindset that there is only one right way. We explain to clients our belief that there are millions of ways to do things, then ask them to try. We accept their attempts as long as they are not dangerous to the clients or others.

We once had a client who did not know how to put a halter on her horse, so she hung the halter off the horse’s ear and asked the horse to follow her to the barn. To the surprise of many, the horse followed the client to the barn despite the client using the halter differently. The client didn’t have to learn how to put the halter on because we were not teaching horsemanship. Instead, we were doing therapy and trying to change negative patterns. The fact that the client attempted something was helpful because she was learning how to experiment and let go of thought patterns that kept her stuck. That she successfully got her horse to the barn delighted her and gave her confidence that her ideas could work.

Clients are often fearful of trying and making a mistake, so they ask how to do something. When we encounter this, we remind clients that there is no right way to do it. Often, this statement frees them to try. We teach clients to see “mistakes” and “failures” as information received about what worked and what did not work and to use this information in their next attempt. There is no judgment or determination about whether the attempt was good or bad.

If clients ask for help, we ask them to try their best before assisting. If, after trying with some trial and error, clients still request help, we ask what type of help they want or need. Once the client identifies the help needed, we provide it as directed by the client. Usually, when people dismiss the idea that there is one right way and they actually try, they are successful. The more clients are allowed to figure things out on their own and do it their way, the more they try to do things and the more powerful they feel about making decisions in their lives.

Connect to the Body & Practice Exercising Good Decision Making

Clients who have experienced repeated abuse are more likely to be re-victimized. There are many ways to think about why this may occur. One idea is when individuals experience repeated abuse by a loved one, they often have to push down or ignore their alarm system to maintain the relationship. Years of ignoring the body’s response disconnects clients from the physiological responses of their body’s threat assessment, making it very difficult to recognize unsafe situations. All the clues clients use to determine whether a situation is safe or dangerous have become confused or silenced because their system was overridden repeatedly, eventually producing a dissociated system.

Helping clients reconnect to their bodies and alarm systems by recognizing what their bodies are doing in response to specific situations and helping them learn how to interpret that information correctly is vital for their future safety. Clients often push through uncomfortable situations because it is a pattern of behavior for them and because clients believe it is what the clinician/therapy team expects of them. It is vital that clinicians/therapy teams stop a client and ask the client what is happening in their body when clinicians/therapy teams notice even the slightest discomfort. When clinicians/therapy teams do this, it assists clients in learning to listen to their bodies, and it builds trust between clients and clinicians/therapy teams because clinicians/therapy teams are listening deeply to their clients’ experiences. Clients, then, are able to make decisions that are protective and healthy for themselves and act on that information in a way that is good for their relationship with themselves and, ultimately, with others. As clients learn how to connect, read their own signals, and respond in a healthy, protective manner for themselves, their safety increases, and their relationships become healthier, too.

Allow Struggle

Clinicians/therapy teams must allow clients to practice these ideas and learn to take appropriate risks. It is important to allow clients to struggle while monitoring their window of tolerance. Allowing for struggle provides the opportunity for clients to overcome and own their power. Being fully present while clients struggle offers tremendous, genuine support and a powerful quality of being deeply seen.

Many clinicians/therapy teams are uncomfortable allowing clients to struggle because this feels like allowing suffering. But it is much like the butterfly who beats his wings against the cocoon to get stronger. If the butterfly is freed from the cocoon rather than bursting out on its own, it dies.

Clients need supportive struggle to get stronger. When clinicians/therapy teams allow clients to struggle while providing them with tremendous emotional support, clients discover that they have a broken belief system (I am not smart enough. I am not good enough. I can’t do anything.) that impedes their success. Once identified, this belief system can be repaired and healed through successfully overcoming struggles.

It is important to scaffold tasks so clients can succeed and have more opportunities to stay within their window of tolerance. The goal of doing is not perfection; it is healing the broken belief systems that free clients to take control of their lives and develop healthier relationships with themselves, others, and the world.

Saying No

Clinicians/therapy teams often overlook the importance of clients being able to say “no.” If clients cannot say no to something, they cannot give a true yes. No, is the barometer of choice and safety. If clients can say no to a clinician/therapy team and it is respected, clients have a choice in what the clinician/therapy team asks them to do. The client then can make the choice that they feel is best for them in the moment, which increases safety. If the client cannot say no, the clinician/therapy team requires the client to submit to their will, which decreases safety and can reinforce old, abusive relational patterns.

This is so important in our practice that we go over this in our intake. We tell clients that they have the power to answer or decline to answer questions and to decide what and how much to tell us. We practice them telling us, “I do not want to answer that,” and we show them what our response will be. We do this until we see that the client’s body is relaxed and able to set this boundary with us. Even with this practice, we know most clients will struggle to say, “I don’t want to answer that.” So, we listen with our whole selves, and when we notice a client’s discomfort, we ask, “Do you want to answer that question?” and remind them they have the right not to. Some clients test us and say, “I don’t want to answer that” to every question we ask. This usually only lasts for a session or two until they see that we actually accept their boundary.

Relationships are More Important Than Tasks

When the value, relationship is more important than task, is applied, it strengthens their ability to have healthy relationships. When clients are practicing new skills, clinicians/therapy teams help clients by identifying times when clients are ignoring the relationship to complete the task, which invariably is harmful to the relationship in the long term. It is a skill to negotiate both the relationship and the task, and it requires a great deal of practice.

Do (Practice Practice Practice)

It is not enough to talk about change, being brave, or telling people there are unlimited ways to do things. Clinicians/therapy teams must provide clients with lots of time to practice being different within this supportive environment. When clients practice new things and new ways of being, they are being brave. This feeling of bravery and the experience of being brave goes with them each time they leave sessions. The more experiences clients have, the braver they become.

Create a Continual Learning Environment

In order to practice and have the freedom to try, to make mistakes, and to try something else, there has to be an environment of continual learning. This environment is fueled by curiosity, wonder, excitement, or anticipation for what will happen when we try something. No matter what happens, it is noticed and folded back in to understand the experience better. There is no judgment about what happened. There is no evaluation of whether what happened was right, wrong, good, or bad. We observe the outcome and use the information to decide on the next steps. An environment of continual learning creates within the client an attitude of continual learning that, like “a million ways,” frees clients to try new things and find their own answers.

In summary, when clinicians/therapy teams take the time to create brave spaces in addition to safe spaces, they give clients the power to create safety in their own lives, which allows clients to grow faster, become stronger, and engage in relationships with themselves and others in more healthy ways.

Think About It: Natural Lifemanship Applied to Politics

by Rebecca Hubbard | Jan 6, 2018 | Applied Principles

…Think About It

I woke up this morning and wondered what it would look like if our political parties used the principles of Natural Lifemanship to interact with each other and to do business. Think about it.

What if each party attempted to meet both their own needs and the needs of the other party?

What if each party cared about and worked for compromise and equality in their partnership?

What if each party truly understood that if it is not good for both parties, it ultimately is not good for either party? What if they responded appropriately when the other party “moved their feet”?

What if each party created space for the other party to make choices that are best for both parties? That neither party took away the choices of the other party and neither tried to control the other?

What if both were careful with their verbal and nonverbal communications with the other?

What if it were safe to make mistakes, disagree, and openly and honestly communicate ideas, needs, and beliefs?

What if each party appropriately controlled itself, and made choices using their whole brains?

What if each party respected the other party and was able to set and accept limits?

What if each party was assertive in their communication and actions and not passive or aggressive?

What if both parties were able to use the principles of pressure appropriately? That is, each party increased the pressure when the other party was ignoring. Each party maintained the pressure when the other party was resisting, and each party released the pressure when the other party was cooperating?

What would it be like?

What might we accomplish?

Rebecca J. Hubbard writes stories for children and is a master’s level licensed marriage and family therapist in Texas specializing in equine-assisted psychotherapy. More information can be found at www.rebeccahubbardlmft.com

Is Natural Lifemanship Just “Joining Up?”

by Rebecca Hubbard | May 23, 2017 | Basics of Natural Lifemanship, Horsemanship

“Isn’t Natural Lifemanship (NL) just joining up?” I hear this question frequently from family, friends and students who are learning Natural Lifemanship. If they know anything about Natural Horsemanship, horse training methods with the intent of developing rapport with a horse based on herd dynamics, they assume that attachment in NL is “joining up.” Since joining up is getting the horse to see you as his leader and to follow you, observers often confuse this with attachment and connection in NL. Attachment can involve having the horse follow you but can also be achieved in many different ways. Further exploration of the process of attachment in NL reveals not only different expectations and beliefs about the process but a different process altogether. The beliefs and intentions of Natural Horsemanship and NL are not the same but both have important places in the world of horses.

In this blog I break down the components of joining up and attachment and compare and contrast them to help students of NL better understand the differences. Joining up and attachment have different purposes. Joining up is an intervention used by men and women (who we will call “trainers”) to train horses using principles from herd dynamics and attachment is part of NL, a psychotherapy model that strives to help humans obtain healthier relationships with themselves and others.

Joining Up is a term that is frequently used in Natural Horsemanship to communicate the process of a horse respecting the trainer as his/her leader. How this is done varies slightly from person to person. Monty Roberts explains it this way:

Working in a round pen, one begins Join-Up® by making large movements and noise as a predator would and begins driving the horse to run away. She then gives the horse the option to flee or Join-Up®. Through body language, the trainer will ask, “Will you pay me the respect due to a herd leader and join and follow me?” The horse will respond with predictable herd behavior: by locking an ear on her, then by licking and chewing and dropping his head in a display of trust. The exchange concludes with the trainer adopting passive body language, turning her back on the horse and without eye contact, invites him to come close. Join-Up occurs when the animal willingly chooses to be with the human and walks toward her accepting her leadership and protection.

From an NL perspective what is involved in this type of joining up? The horse trainer uses the horse’s natural fear of predators and approaches the horse with predator type behavior which frightens the horse and drives the horse into the survival part of his brain causing him to run away from the threat. From the survival part of his brain the horse responds instinctually. When the horse cannot escape the threat, he submits. The change in the trainer’s behavior to less threatening and more passive body language offers possible safety. The horse seeking safety, looks to the trainer for this and begins to ask for permission to approach. When the horseman allows the approach, the horse submits to the trainer as the leader.

Horses are accustomed to being dominated or being the dominant one, so in Join-Up® the interactions reinforce the hierarchy of the herd dynamics. From a horse training perspective this is a much kinder way to get a horse to comply with your requests than to “break” him. From a psychotherapy or NL perspective this interaction is about dominance and control. The horse is not given an option to cooperate because cooperation only occurs when the neocortex (the thinking part of the brain) is engaged and not only the lower regions of the brain. The trainer has all the power in this interaction and though Mr. Roberts uses the word “choice” the horse is not given a choice since he is operating out of the survival parts of his brain. True choices are made from the neocortex.

Let’s look at the above interactions through the lens of human relationships because NL is a psychotherapy model designed to help humans with relationships. A very important principle in NL is “a sound principle is a sound principle no matter where it is applied.” So, in NL we believe that if a principle is sound it will work across different types of relationships. The transfer of these principles is imperative in a therapy model.

When applying the principles from the Natural Horsemanship Join-Up® process to human relationships we see the following: One person has all the control, the relationship is based on a strong, benevolent leader that must be obeyed in order for there to be safety and order. The other person is not allowed to have any control because they may make poor decisions and submission is desired because it is good for the relationship. When viewed within this lens very few people would say that is the type of relationship they want and many would say that it is abusive. Since NL is a psychotherapy model, if we used the Natural Horsemanship principles of Join-Up® we would be teaching people unhealthy ways of relating.

Another very respected natural horseman is Pat Parelli. Like Mr. Roberts he is a well-known and a highly respected horse trainer. In his trainings Mr. Parelli explains how important it is to control a horse’s movement because it raises the trainer’s status to one of leader in the horse’s eyes. In this interaction the trainer is using the herd principle of whoever moves the other’s feet has the status. In this way the person controls the horse by influencing the horse’s feet. Sometimes this involves blocking choices that the horse can make. Sometimes the trainer decides which direction and how fast the horse will go. Leadership is seen as an essential component of the horse and horsemanship relationship. Mr. Parelli notes that if the trainer does not make the decisions then the horse will. Unlike Mr. Roberts, Mr. Parelli does not take the stance of a predator in order to drive the horse away. He uses only the amount of pressure necessary to control the horse’s feet.

When examining these beliefs, we see the following: The trainer controls the horse’s movements and takes away choices as necessary to obtain the horse’s compliance, and the horse cannot appropriately control himself without leadership.

From a human relationship perspective once again one person has all the control and decision making ability as the benevolent leader. The leader controls the other person and limits the choices available to insure appropriate decision making. Like the outcome of Join-Up® these dynamics do not reflect a healthy human relationship pattern.

All of these Natural Horsemanship interactions use operant conditioning, pressure and release, to teach the horse the desired behaviors. NL also uses pressure and release but in a different fashion.

One small part of NL is requesting attachment by applying pressure to the hip of the horse. From the untrained eye this appears similar to Join-Up® or other joining up interactions. There are many significant differences, however.

In NL the intention of every interaction with a horse or human is connection. Submission is seen as an instinctual behavior that the horse or human makes from the survival part of his brain and is undesirable. In order to avoid submission, the trainer/client uses the smallest amount of pressure necessary and abides by the three principles of pressure which are: Ignore- increase, Resist- remain and Cooperate- release and/or decrease.

The process of attachment in NL looks like this. The trainer/client makes a request of the horse in order to begin their relationship. The trainer/client applies pressure to the hip of the horse in order to give the horse the most choice about how to respond (the intent is not to drive the horse). The horse can choose to ignore the request (seem to not notice the request, do nothing in response to the request), resist the request (seek a different answer than the one that is being requested) or cooperate with the request.

Before a request is made the trainer/client must first decide if the request is appropriate, fair, and good for both the trainer/client and the horse. If the request is not good for one of them then it ultimately is not going to be good for the relationship. Each request is made with the smallest amount of pressure possible, usually beginning with just a thought. For example, the thought could be, please look at me. In order to use the smallest amount of pressure the trainer/client must be emotionally regulated and be in control of herself. The trainer/client holds a belief that he/she can only appropriately control himself/herself and the horse can appropriately control himself. If the horse responds to the smallest amount of pressure, then the pressure is released to communicate to the horse, yes that was what I asked for.

However, if the horse ignores the request, that is the trainer/client did not apply enough pressure to convey the request, then the pressure is increased incrementally with warmth and compassion. The decision to increase the pressure incrementally is done so as not to drive the horse into the survival part of his brain and to give the horse the choice to respond with the least amount of pressure possible.

In order to increase the pressure a little the trainer/client may take a deep, long breath to bring up the energy in his/her body while seeing in his/her mind the horse looking at him/her. If the horse responds by looking, the pressure is immediately released. But if the horse responds with a different answer, the trainer/client keeps the pressure the same in order to convey to the horse, that is a nice try but not what I requested.

By keeping the pressure the same the trainer/client does not drive the horse deeper into the survival part of his brain. As the pressure remains the same the horse can come out of the initial survival mode and begin to use his neocortex in attempting to find the answer that the trainer/client requested. The trainer/client keeps the pressure the same as the horse explores what the answer to the request is.

This dance continues until the horse chooses on his own to cooperate with the request. The desire is for the horse to engage his neocortex and to think and to choose connection with the trainer/client. If the horse submits instead of cooperating, then the trainer/client knows that he/she increased the pressure during resistance (hunting an answer). This is an undesirable outcome and the dance begins again with the smallest amount of pressure until cooperation is achieved from the horse’s neocortex.

The dance of asking the horse to follow is built on scaffolding of the requests. It may start out with the request for an ear, or an eye then move to a whole head turn, then the horse’s body turning to face the trainer/client, then the horse making a step toward the trainer/client and lastly them taking a walk together. The request to walk together is made out of a desire for connection and not to be the leader of the horse.

If we examine attachment and these steps of getting a horse to follow through the lens of a human relationship, we find respectful requests made with warmth and compassion, allowance and respect for another’s choice, a genuine desire to connect, acceptance of the other’s response, compassion and warmth in helping them find the right answer to the request, and a respect for and allowance of the thinking process and autonomy of another. In this process the trainer/client and horse are equal partners, each brings strengths and weakness to the partnership. This would be the same for all relationships, such as couples and friendships.

When the intention and principles behind the processes of attachment in NL and joining up in Natural Horsemanship are fully examined, attachment in NL is very different from Join-Up® or joining up in Natural Horsemanship. Remember, in NL there are infinite ways to ask for attachment, putting pressure on the hip is just one of them. Attachment can be requested any number of ways, and how it is asked depends on creativity and attunement in the relationship.

Creating Brave Spaces

by Rebecca Hubbard | Aug 18, 2016 | Basics of Natural Lifemanship

Co-authored by Rebecca J. Hubbard & Reccia Jobe with Pecan Creek Ranch

Mental health professionals are taught to create a safe place for their clients, so clients can feel comfortable being themselves while discussing and exploring their experiences. Creating a safe place is a central tenant and an imperative part of the therapeutic process. It does, however, have a potential negative impact particularly for clients who have histories of complex trauma. The long term pitfall of clinicians being the generator of a safe place is that feeling of safety doesn’t go with the clients when they leave the session. Since the safe space is generated by the clinician, clients do not know how to establish it in their own lives.

Being safe is an important part of healing. But we are not being as effective as we need to be if the only place a client feels safe is in our offices. What if we changed our approach? What if we initially created a safe place then shifted toward creating a brave space?

A brave space is a place where clients can make mistakes without fear of being shamed, humiliated, teased or punished. Where they can try new things, take appropriate risks, and understand that there are unlimited ways to do whatever they are trying to accomplish. Creating this type of environment assists clients in developing within themselves their own safe place from which to grow. If we change our focus from only creating safe spaces to creating safe and brave spaces, then clients are able to take from the experience what they need in their lives and grow safe places within themselves.

Creating Brave Spaces

The components of a brave space are not all that different from the components of a safe place. The difference is in the doing. The components are a recursive feedback loop that generates more and more opportunities for being brave.