There’s a moment many of us recognize—quiet but profound—when something clicks in session. A client gently touches a horse’s mane, or pauses mid-sentence in conversation, and you feel it.
A shift. A softening. Something real is happening.
But just as often, that moment slips away. It begins to represent something else – something in “real life,” something outside of the present moment. Maybe the horse becomes “Dad” or “my husband,” and the silence turns into something else.
Many of us start drawing lines and meaning before the experience can fully unfold. We turn to symbolism far too early and far too often.
But this is only projection. It might feel profound, but it isn’t presence.
In Natural Lifemanship, we say the relationship is the work. That means we meet our clients (and our equine partners) right where they are. Not as symbols. Not as metaphors. Not as stand-ins for the people or patterns we’ve carried. Just as they are.
Because true transformation happens not in what we imagine the relationship to be—but in how we experience it, moment to moment.
The Illusion of Insight
Projection can feel like insight. A client might say, “This horse reminds me of my mother,” and suddenly it all seems to make sense—the resistance, the anger, the longing. After all, the brain loves a neat narrative.
But insight without presence is a detour.
When we assign roles too soon, we bypass the discomfort of simply being in a relationship. We give ourselves a way out—a story to hold onto instead of a truth to stay with, to be with, to sense into. . . In doing so, we trade connection for clarity. And clarity, when it arrives prematurely, can actually prevent the deeper work from happening.
Presence is the Practice
Working in a trauma-informed way means we resist the urge to label too soon. We stay curious. We slow down. We let the nervous system settle before the story takes shape.
That’s hard. Especially for those of us trained in traditional modalities where naming things is seen as progress. But healing doesn’t come from labeling—it comes from relating.
In our Fundamentals training, we return to this again and again: presence is not passive. It’s active engagement. It’s showing up with our whole selves—body, breath, attention—and choosing to stay with what’s actually happening, not what we think it means.
It’s the foundation of secure attachment. And it’s the soil from which transformation grows.
Why We Work With What Is
So why does this matter? Because when we work with what is—the actual being in front of us, the feelings in our own bodies, the relational dynamics that arise organically—we begin to shift from symbolic healing to somatic healing.
Symbolic healing may provide insight. But somatic healing provides integration.
This doesn’t mean metaphor is useless. In fact, meaning-making can be beautiful and powerful. But only when it comes after presence—not in place of it.
We can’t build real relationships with a projection. But we can build relationships with a living, breathing being. And that relationship, when approached with curiosity and care, guides us to insight far more honest than anything we could manufacture.
A Personal Reflection
I remember a session with a client who kept referring to a particular horse as “my ex.” She meant it half-jokingly, but the dynamics were clear—she was guarded, reactive, mistrustful. It made sense, given her history.
Rather than following the metaphor, I asked her to focus on the actual interaction. How was the horse moving? What was she feeling in her body? Where did she notice tension? Could she stay with that?
It wasn’t instant. But slowly, something softened. She stopped narrating and started noticing. The story faded. Presence returned.
And in that space, a different kind of truth emerged—less about her past and more about her capacity to be in the present, in this relationship, with this horse, and this capable and beautiful self.
That’s the kind of shift that sticks.
Moving From Story to Self
Projection is a way our brains try to make sense of the world. It’s not inherently bad. But when we hold too tightly to the stories we project, we miss the opportunity to be changed by real connection.
And that’s the heart of this work: to offer experiences that don’t just explain our patterns but transform them.
When we stop projecting and start relating, healing becomes possible—not because we named it, but because we felt it. Lived it. Practiced it.
In the body. In the breath. In the space between two beings, neither of whom is trying to be anything other than who and what they are.
Join Us for the Conversation
If this resonates with you—if you’re ready to explore how to move from projection to presence—we invite you to join us.
On April 28 at 5 PM Central, I will host a free webinar on “Connection Without Projection.” It’s a powerful opportunity to deepen your understanding of why presence matters more than metaphor—and how this shift can change your practice, your relationships, and your life.
And if you’re ready to go further, consider enrolling in our Fundamentals of Natural Lifemanship training. It’s where the work begins—where we build the roots that allow everything else to grow.
Because healing doesn’t start with metaphor.
It starts with what’s real.
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